A Brief (and disjnoited) History of Zombie New Year




It Starts
2006
Friday, August 11

It is decided that the month of August needs a holiday. At the time, North America was overrun with the living dead. The only reprive came during the Summer months, when the Zombies would hibernate.

Dwelling primarily underground, Zombies quite naturally cannot make use of a physical, paper calendar — lack of light, very mildew-prone, Worms, the usual. However, in Death, it appears that the Zombies have developed an intuition of sorts. It is unknown whether this is by a connection with the Moon, as with the Ocean tides; the temperature of the dirt over their Graves, like seeds; or if by some other, presently unknown mechanism.

As such, the Zombies would return from the Grave towards the end of Summer. Some years earlier than others. It was thus decided that August's new Holiday would be ZOMBIE NEW YEAR, an occasion to gather with the living in defiance of death. Strength in numbers. Solidarity.

also it was recognoticed that inebreating(sp?) maed the zmobies not c u (:



Here We Go Again
2007
Friday, August 31

The first Zombie New Year was held in a private apartment, somewhere in Southern California. The second Zombie New Year was held in the same place. If memory serves, Rock Band was intended to be on the agenda but the XBox360 ate the god damn disc

What makes it worse is that a mid/late-90's Diskman, you could jog with the damned thing!! I kept one in my outrageously large 90s pockets and walked all around school with one earphone in and my hair down, running the wire up my shirt. ugh

man fuck microsoft man



P E N D I N G
2008
Friday, August 22




Headwounds & Hangovers
2009
Friday, August 4




Capitalism vs The World
2010
Friday, August 27

The year's festivities were held publicly for the first time, in a local Game Center — which has since, sadly, closed. Anyway, the man didn't want to allow costumes so everybody was dressed as Survivors. Group rotations thru House of the Dead were fun, but the drinks were expensive.

Then we walked across the parking lot to one of two theatres and watched Scott Pilgrim vs The World to sober up.

& I gUeSs that the $$$ kept us frm getttnig 2 fhitschased........




2011
Friday, August 19




More Firsts & Slaked Thirsts
2012
Friday, September 7

Thanks to the decision to base Zombie New Year's scheduling on the Lunar Calendar this year presented a unique challenge — the full moon was on August 31... and it was a Friday to boot.

Checking the original charter it was decided that the occasion is intended to be the Fridayafter the full moon, and thus: our first Zombie New Year outside of August.

and we may r mayn't hold ragerts abuut passing up on by the full moon Holiday to this day



We Resist, We Persist
2013
Friday, August 23

As fate would have it, the world did not End in 2012.

butt like I maen only off by 4years is not bad ykn,w? props




2014
Friday, August 15





2015
Friday, September 4

Once again, the moon pushes us out of August. This does not stop us from getting stupefied enough that some ponder why Zombie New Year never comes early.

That callendar thing mightv been a bad choice afterall......?




2016
Friday, August 19

&We never even knew how grreeet we had ti, untl the dArk Times came over us......




2017
Friday, August 11




BINGO!!
2018
Friday, August 31

...still never on the First tho???




2019
Friday, August 16




Send More Paramedics
2020
Friday, August 7

The scourge of COVID-19 was so severe that even the Dead stayed Home. No zombies.

stiiLll some pretty goud-a drunking grond on tho!!



Back, With an Appetite
2021
Friday, August 27

Mortality outside of safety-minded festivities remained elevated for this Zombie New Year. The conventional wisdom states the the Dead were making up for lost time.

What we need more of is Science

upon blind faith _FUCK_ your reliance



A New Challenger Appears!
2022
Saturday, August 27

Due to the ever-increasing effects of the ever-warming planet, the Undead hybernation period has extended in recent years. As such, the date of the official festivities has become malleable and moved back to the last weekend of August.

It remains uncertain if date calculations will remain the same. Further observation of the Zombie Menace will be necessary.

Current operating hypothesis estimates that Threat increases either proportionately or exponentially with an increase in zombie Hibernation duration. Speculation at this point includes that their Hunger increases due to longer hibernation periods, thus increasing their viciousness.

CLimate change is REAL and it has ALREADY FUCKED US UP!



remain vigilant